Love Games

I just watched the entire Love Games series in one day.
Interesting

1. I enjoy watching Zambian things just for the joy of watching Zambians and hearing Zambian languages and seeing Zambia. So there is a part of me that was going to enjoy it no matter the topic.
2. As a Christian nation it was a bit sad to see how incredibly non Christian the characters were. There are two possible reasons for this (I hypothesis)

• The funding: There was a huge amount of foreign funding and the it is possible that the funders ensured that what was created was more similar to the cultures where they come from.
• The purpose: As a public service announcement, it had to depict the at risk groups, therefore this may have just been a part of demonstrating the message in the most effective way.

3. The Zambian middle class: It's a shame it see what the rise of the Zambian middle class looks like. To be honest it showed some of the things I absolutely hate about the geologically impossible 'western' culture.

• The perpetuale presence of alcohol and the association of wine with wealth, and the constant, constant drinking. This makes me so angry here and it enraged me being depicted in Zambian T.V. And the problem with that portrayal is that those who watch it but can't afford constant wine then decide that wine is a symbol of wealth and will aim for daily wine consumption. The health and social consequences of alcohol are so extreme and counteract the safe sex message. Because so many people know what they should do and are committed to it but fail to do so when inebriated.

4. The funders: When I heard about it I was really excited to start watching a Zambian show and within the first ten seconds it was apparent it didn't belong to Zambia. It was about a message being spread and even though we were watching who knows the true message being perpetuated. I don't like that first ten seconds spent naming other organisations, makes me feel like a charity.

5. As far as the safe sex message. It was a great message but the power of a public service announcement depends on how well it communicates to it's target population, I can't answer that because I am most definitely not the target population. However I appreciated the different scenarios, and relationship models, absolutely hated the fact that majority were unfaithful it was a horrible way to see Zambians (but that's a personal thing). Got so angry at the men who were cheating but expecting their many partners to be faithful to them. Got extremely angry at the concept of 'chipikisha' club, especially being perpetuated to young people. But my anger and my desire to discuss doesn't do anything, because I am not the target population. Non of my actions and decisions have been changed.

I was interested in finding other's opinions about this show and stumbled across this article about an actor who is also a pastor and discussing his role in this show.  Interestingly the pastor also pointed out how the character he depicted was only slightly sinful while he rejected the offer to play a more sinful character.

1. I think this is a very wrong and non biblical concept. There is no concept of slightly sinful and very sinful. God clearly says that all have fallen short of the glory of God. And therefore it doesn't matter the level of 'sinfulness' We are all imperfect and unworthy of his grace but because of who God is he has given us his son and paid the price. This concept of level of sinfulness I feel is extremely bad. and extremely unbiblical, because it leads people to think falsely good about themselves. So it leads people to look around them and see 'more sinful' people decide that their sin isn't so bad, rather than comparing themselves to God's word, rather than others.
2. HOWEVER, I don't actually think the role a person plays on tv matters for actors. The question is about the purpose of the message they are a part of. For example they are many Christian movies out there and every movie has to have a bad guy and so being a bad guy in a movie OBVIOUSLY doesn't make you a bad guy in real life, it's all about the message that people walk away with. And I feel the basic message of love games was a life saving and educational one therefore we can't really hate someone for participating.
3. HOWEVER, I wonder about the pastor with a dual role in his life. I know I can never be a pastors wife (definitely not heading down the pastor role myself) because I feel it is such a full-on, 100 percent job to guide people and be responsible for their eternal souls I don't think I can handle that. The need to constantly be in prayer, to heed God's word all the time, and to counsel and comfort those in your flock, I think is an amazing job but one that needs constant closeness with God. (in fact say a prayer for your pastor right now, because they need it). And based on my view of pastoral care and the role of pastors in the church, I don't know how I feel about him having this other job. Not just because he has another job, but because it is one that requires you to have an agent, a manager, to go to auditions, to not be regularly available for your church. He might have recording at whatever time is necessary he might be away for large chunks at a time, and it just doesn't seem conducive to guiding a flock. But in the article he says it depends on the person doing that dual role.

This is the only reference I found to love games online, rather than links to episodes. I am dissapponted about the lack of conversation ABOUT the show online, because I would have hoped it would have elicicted discussions, but again hopefully discussions are being had in Zambia.
Plus I do not have presence on facebook or twitter, so there might be discussions there. Because the point of a show like that is to open dialogue over topics that many do not discuss.


Overall
- interesting show but I dearly dearly hope it is not indicative of a new Zambian mentality.

Waiting

I decided to wait because I believe God's word advises people to wait.
However at the time I decided to wait I wasn't really living according to God's will so I think at the time I decided to wait because it is safer.
There is a 100 percent STI protection
100 percent pregnancy protection.
And increased emotional protection. I had friends in high school who were sexually active and I found that at the end of relationships they tended to be more distraught, more depressed, and it took them significantly longer to get over it. This is because sex has a function, and at orgasm there are hormones released that are meant to keep people together long enough to raise a child. And these hormones mean that you are more inclined to want to stay with someone after you have had sex and more inclined to be hurt and damaged if you don't stay together (yes people have casual sex, that was never gonna be me, and I honestly don't know the emotional consequences of casual sex and therefore cannot comment on it).

Additionally, even though there are some great methods of contraception, they do sometimes fail, and abortion was never an option for me. And I think the reality of a baby, even putting them for adoption is just something that I don't want to expose myself to before the time is right.

I've recently thought about the benefit of abstinence because I have had a few people ask me about the silver ring I wear on my ring finger and also realised some other related issues.

The role of women in abstinence
- There are many cultures that communicate a benefit to female purity but don't seem to extend that same desire for male purity. And there are conversations that say this is another form of a male population seeking to subvert the female population. I think this has to do with the fact that consequences are greater for women. I think it s a woman who has a baby, and as the 'receptive' partner she has increased risk of acquiring an STI, and her education, her future is more likely to be disturbed by pregnancy, even if it is terminated.
Additionally a woman has one egg a cycle and has the responsibility to find the best mate to fertilise her eggs, while men have virtually unlimited fertilising capabilities and are therefore wired differently in their view of sex. I feel like the woman has a duty to say no because she is better capable of saying no than the man is. Although that does not mean men are not responsible for their actions. In fact this thinking is probably part of why men think they CAN cheat, because they think they are not responsible for their actions. Look we are ALL responsible for our actions. But instead of saying purity in women is no longer a good thing we should extend that to purity in all genders is a good and desirable feature.

The effect on future relationships.
I believe that marriage represents a partnership for life. And it is unique and should be between two people. I believe it is not easy and there are many hurdles that two people must negotiate, compromise, and work through. ANd I think abstinence before marriage helps a marriage. Because it clearly draws a line between the one who you have committed to for life and the others. Additionally I don't plan to ever live with a male before marriage, because I think living together and having sex is something between a married couple, it's something that signifies a shared life. (Although I have stayed in hostels with males, but this was not by choice, and we were not sharing life, we were just sharing random circumstances).
Personally I think I will also be more comfortable with someone who has waited, because we will discover our sexuality together and there will be no comparison. There will be no talk of 'sexual compatibility,' There will be no try before you buy. It will be a case of loving someone enough to commit to them for life and taking whatever comes with grace :D


Where is the line
- On the spectrum of no touching to vaginal penetration by a penis, there are many stops. And everyone draws their line in a different place. And to be honest my line has moved over the years depending on my motivation. At some point I just didn't want to get pregnant (therefore my line was way more to the right).
Now my motivation is my commttment to my future marriage and the desire to honor and respect my husband in the same way I would like him to currently be keeping himself for me. And therefore my line has moved to the left.

Hymen surgery, hymen certificates, and bloody sheets?
I have no comments on these because these come from a very different motivation.
I believe purity is important. But in Christianity we have a forgiving God and I believe purity starting from now is amazing. So the past has no weighting once someone has repented and turned around, so even if someone was a prostitute and no longer has a hymen but at some point they have repented and decided to wait for their partner from that moment on. They don't deserve the embarrassment of having to prove their virginity, I think that is kind of a horrible process.
AND extremely unscientific considering the fact that many people don't bleed even at first intercourse, so it's not a reliable test.
Additionally, there is no justification for the test if there isn't a male equivalent!

Zambia and virginity
- I don't know, I can't comment on it. I honestly don't know. I have come to terms with the fact that I come from a weird family and everything my family taught me is not representative of the Zambian mentality.
But Zambia is a Christian nation so one would hope that the Christian ideals on this topic are what is passed on to others.


In conclusion
I am waiting for my husband for sex, and he better be waiting for me. if he is not then I will need God to personally tell me to marry him. Because I feel I will have anxieties about being with someone who has been with others. It will not be a mutual discovery and only be the direct word of God will that be happening.

Labia Minora Elongation

I heard of this when I was young.
One woman in my family asked another woman in my family why they did it. Because someone had asked her and she couldnt answer. And of course my mother asked me to look it up ( I couldn't becuase at the time I hadn't studied enough sexual health to know the anatomical terms), and when I tried googling general terms I got quite inappropriate results.
I have now studied enough sexual health to be able to call it 'labia minora elongation' and therefore be better able to google it and get relevant (although still slightly disturbing) results.
Upon successful google, "Oh Em Gee there is so much stuff". And not all of it African. Which I found really surprising.
Crazy.
I point you to this blog entry as my starting point, to introduce the main ideas I am commenting on.
A couple of things I would like to say
1. I don't think it counts as mutilation if it is voluntary. And in my understanding of how it is practiced in Zambia (might be differnet in other families and in other countries) it is voluntary. You are told to do it and your age mates do it, and you do it. Which is why adult women in my family were asking themselves the purpose to this, becuase the purpose wasn't clearly communicated to them. They weren't told they had to do it to marry well, or to live well, they were just informed to do it. It appeared to be more of a social practice, kind of done as a part of things young girls did together.
My thoughts on this are, upon reflection I have never seen a white vagina. I have seen many black vaginas. In a non sexual non judgemenetal way. Although we don't really talk abotu sexuality with adults I thought the openness with the older young women was quite amazing (in retrospect), They showed us what they thought was important.

2. I think this relationship with older young ladies should be encouraged and used to spread other messages as well. If this conversation could include conversations about STI's, about contraception. It would be amazing and not replicated anywhere else in the world. Where young ladies are shown how to use devices not on dummies but on physical individuals. it's interesting becuase (again in retrospect) there is a really wierd dichotomy between certain things being incredibly inappropriate and never discussed and openness with the body that I have never seen in western culture (again in a non sexual way). I keep repeating the non-sexuality of the situation, because I do feel that western culture is much more sexualised and openness with one's body is often more sexual, and this kind of tradition and openness is definitely unique to this kind of situation.

3. Issues about infection and coersian I cannot speak on, because when I was young I only did what everyone else was doing, I wasn't pressured into it, and I didn't if I didn't want to. And I had no sense of it's effect on my future (although I vaguely remember the threat of being punished if it wasn't long enough...vague memories, can't comment). Although,  I don't even remember knowing about sex at the time, so it felt really separate from sex.

4. However, my main point. I don't think we should discard all traditional practices for the sake of modernisation, I think we should modify them and make them appropriate for what we (as Africans) decide is important to us. I have no strong feelings towards Labia Minora elongation and i plan to find a husband who agrees with me, but I do have strong feelings towards the relationships and the openness in conversation that was apparent at that time and therefore I would hope to build upon them rather than destroy them entirely.

I feel that western women have extermely peculiar relationships with their bodies and I don't think that's a thing we should adopt, at all. I acknowledge there are spectrums in all populations but just having seen someone else's vagina in a non sexual way tells me something about myself. I don't sit at home thinking my body is weird, and if I didn't like it I am given a method to make it more appealing, if that's an option I wanted to take.
BUT again, focus on the potential these gatherings of young ladies can have towards sexual health education and dessemination of information. just imagine.

Library

I have already discussed my love of reading and my goal of building a library sometime in the future.
I have also recently communicated my joy at discovering that Book Depository will ship free worldwide and my utter dissappointment (and slight rage) at discovering that most of Africa isn't part of the world (according to them).
So I have been thinking, if I want to increase access to literature (especially local and regional literature) to young people in Zambia, and it is expensive and difficult to purchase or print and publish books what is the best way.
Simultenously I recently bought a smart phone associated with Google and google has access to public domain texts for free. So I started downloading books and reading and before i knew it I was developing a collection (rather cheaply) and with no shipping and storage costs.
So with these two things happening I began thinking about a digital library. Increasing digital access to books.
I thought about Ebook readers, started thinking that I would need the creation of an entirely different system.
First of all I have two visions of how this is manifested.
Keeping in mind that when I say 'device' I am picturing an ereader like device but with different capabilities.

1. Library
I imagine walking in a library and having physical books on the shelves. Walking through the aisles, browsing and noticing different book sizes and covers and pictures on the covers, with different colors and reading the back (because I feel this is a really important part of the reading experience). BUT when you find a book you like, scanning the book or barcode in someway onto your device, and therefore being given free access to that digital copy for a certain amount of time (this is not internet dependent, kind of bluetooth like). So that you still have free (but limited) access to books that are purchased by your local library but it's weight less and digital and obviously it means a local library can have 10 digital copies of a particular text for example. Additionally, book stores can function in a similar way but you pay to permanantly own a copy of that text, which you can share, again in a Bluetooth-like manner.
You can still search online and get copies that way, but the library I believe has other functions as well. I believe it can function as a community centrepoint and place to share other ideas, places for conversations with writers, reading groups, discussion groups, etc, and therefore should not be entirely digital. Additionally, I like browsing and I think colors and shapes can't catch your eye as well online.
And often the library is a quite, comfortable place for those whose homes are not so for study. 

2. School
In visualising how this 'device' is integrated into school systems. I imagined the teacher has a smart board, and the students each have this device. The teacher is standing up front pointing to a map on the smart board and all the students have that map on their device but are also able to take additional notes. So in this context it's probabaly more like a laptop BUT without internet capabilities and with very controlled functionings, that is closely linked to the teacher's smartboard.
Is it possible that once a student walks into a classroom certain capabilities are instantly switched off and all the devices are synced to what the teacher is pointing out. That tests can be instantly graded (not all tests can be multiple choice, I know), but also classroom surveys to ask for example if everyone understands the concept.
I imagine the teacher being able to look at graphs and tables to talk to a student about their strengths and weakness and possibly to allow a teacher to cater to particular students strengths and weakness. Imagine if tests could be written differently for different students, to challenge some so they don't get bored, and to help others so they can reach their potential. And then in this way possibly being able to have better statistics about how a teacher, a school and a region is doing in numeracy and literacy goals.
And then with each progression in grades limitations are lifted as students are taught to navigate the internet and sift through the information to determine reliability and validity. And upon graduation all limitations are removed. As a way to also incorporate training children for the digital world in which they will have to navigate.

Additionally, I can see myself starting a project to digitize African literature. For example in googling "ereaders in schools" I found a European charity that's handing them out in Kenya, South Africa, other specific counties and they are loading them with particular texts, but that's the equivalent of walking through Africa and handing out books from your country. There is an incredible value in reading literature that is relevant to your life experience.
Additionally their program is a charity and is therefore a nonviable business model. I imagine finding a company in Africa to engineer these 'devices' and having a business relationship that benefits both schools and manufacturers. Additionally the purpose of purchasing and borrowing digital copies will potentially be profitable to writers as well. And the same way that digital music allows money to go straight to the artist with fewer middle guys. Additionally it will encourage smaller publishing projects, since one doens't have to consider the printing and distribution costs.


----
UPDATE
I don't know  if I mentioned something about a desire to create an internet connection in the middle of no where independent of satellite dishes and phone companies.
That I wanted to know if money were no object and I was in the middle of a jungle how I could connect to the internet. I may have mentioned it but it may also just have been to myself (it's a fine line between inspired and insane)
But never the less, recently Google has launched their 'loon project'
And it's their degree of lateral thinking that makes me a huge fan of google.