Waiting

I decided to wait because I believe God's word advises people to wait.
However at the time I decided to wait I wasn't really living according to God's will so I think at the time I decided to wait because it is safer.
There is a 100 percent STI protection
100 percent pregnancy protection.
And increased emotional protection. I had friends in high school who were sexually active and I found that at the end of relationships they tended to be more distraught, more depressed, and it took them significantly longer to get over it. This is because sex has a function, and at orgasm there are hormones released that are meant to keep people together long enough to raise a child. And these hormones mean that you are more inclined to want to stay with someone after you have had sex and more inclined to be hurt and damaged if you don't stay together (yes people have casual sex, that was never gonna be me, and I honestly don't know the emotional consequences of casual sex and therefore cannot comment on it).

Additionally, even though there are some great methods of contraception, they do sometimes fail, and abortion was never an option for me. And I think the reality of a baby, even putting them for adoption is just something that I don't want to expose myself to before the time is right.

I've recently thought about the benefit of abstinence because I have had a few people ask me about the silver ring I wear on my ring finger and also realised some other related issues.

The role of women in abstinence
- There are many cultures that communicate a benefit to female purity but don't seem to extend that same desire for male purity. And there are conversations that say this is another form of a male population seeking to subvert the female population. I think this has to do with the fact that consequences are greater for women. I think it s a woman who has a baby, and as the 'receptive' partner she has increased risk of acquiring an STI, and her education, her future is more likely to be disturbed by pregnancy, even if it is terminated.
Additionally a woman has one egg a cycle and has the responsibility to find the best mate to fertilise her eggs, while men have virtually unlimited fertilising capabilities and are therefore wired differently in their view of sex. I feel like the woman has a duty to say no because she is better capable of saying no than the man is. Although that does not mean men are not responsible for their actions. In fact this thinking is probably part of why men think they CAN cheat, because they think they are not responsible for their actions. Look we are ALL responsible for our actions. But instead of saying purity in women is no longer a good thing we should extend that to purity in all genders is a good and desirable feature.

The effect on future relationships.
I believe that marriage represents a partnership for life. And it is unique and should be between two people. I believe it is not easy and there are many hurdles that two people must negotiate, compromise, and work through. ANd I think abstinence before marriage helps a marriage. Because it clearly draws a line between the one who you have committed to for life and the others. Additionally I don't plan to ever live with a male before marriage, because I think living together and having sex is something between a married couple, it's something that signifies a shared life. (Although I have stayed in hostels with males, but this was not by choice, and we were not sharing life, we were just sharing random circumstances).
Personally I think I will also be more comfortable with someone who has waited, because we will discover our sexuality together and there will be no comparison. There will be no talk of 'sexual compatibility,' There will be no try before you buy. It will be a case of loving someone enough to commit to them for life and taking whatever comes with grace :D


Where is the line
- On the spectrum of no touching to vaginal penetration by a penis, there are many stops. And everyone draws their line in a different place. And to be honest my line has moved over the years depending on my motivation. At some point I just didn't want to get pregnant (therefore my line was way more to the right).
Now my motivation is my commttment to my future marriage and the desire to honor and respect my husband in the same way I would like him to currently be keeping himself for me. And therefore my line has moved to the left.

Hymen surgery, hymen certificates, and bloody sheets?
I have no comments on these because these come from a very different motivation.
I believe purity is important. But in Christianity we have a forgiving God and I believe purity starting from now is amazing. So the past has no weighting once someone has repented and turned around, so even if someone was a prostitute and no longer has a hymen but at some point they have repented and decided to wait for their partner from that moment on. They don't deserve the embarrassment of having to prove their virginity, I think that is kind of a horrible process.
AND extremely unscientific considering the fact that many people don't bleed even at first intercourse, so it's not a reliable test.
Additionally, there is no justification for the test if there isn't a male equivalent!

Zambia and virginity
- I don't know, I can't comment on it. I honestly don't know. I have come to terms with the fact that I come from a weird family and everything my family taught me is not representative of the Zambian mentality.
But Zambia is a Christian nation so one would hope that the Christian ideals on this topic are what is passed on to others.


In conclusion
I am waiting for my husband for sex, and he better be waiting for me. if he is not then I will need God to personally tell me to marry him. Because I feel I will have anxieties about being with someone who has been with others. It will not be a mutual discovery and only be the direct word of God will that be happening.