Yes the 'west' has rural areas.
Giant rural areas, filled with poor people who cannot access healthcare or education.
Yeah it exists.
While I am in this country I plan to spend a lot of time studying and working in rural areas because I understand that any area has problems that they seek to find solutions to. And my goal is to learn some of their solutions from being just so physically distanced from the 'west' from the resources and healthcare in their cities.
Anyway, interesting thing about where I went, they don't want me to talking about it, they feel there is the potential that I will insult them online, so they have rules about what I can say online.
This is the first thing I learned from them. I really liked that they control the information out there about them. I wish we did that.
Something I plan to invest in in the future, is taking country of our image online, being the ones who fill in the Wikipedia pages about us (for instance).
In respect of there requests I will only list extremely general lessons I learn, I don't wish to make enemies with people I respect so highly.
Suffice it to say, I am in a 'developed' country with a life expectancy of over 70, and every one has lots of money and in class they tell us about diseases that are never seen in this country anymore except in 'third world' countries, but..
-Here you will find 'third world' conditions, and mentality, the idea that there is little hope and little to expect from the future.
- Annoying you also hear a conversation that goes, 'In a country like this one, it is embarrassing to find third world conditions'
Which basically suggest we should be ashamed of our diseases, generally the idea of 'third world conditions' is directly linked to things associated either with fecal-oral transfer, or dirty water, parasites, there is this association with dirt (sorry side tracked, but seriously there is this idea that we are dirty, so we get dirty diseases!! UGHHH, has anyone noticed this, it can't just be me)
These are not 'third world conditions' we didn't bring them here, they were here of their own accord, and therefore these are first world disease aren't they?!?
It's really interesting to hear the dialogue in this country that defines itself in a particular way and then adds on this little appendix.
'We are first world, except for that corner of there"
We have no TB, AIDS, or -insert 'third world disease here- except in refugees and that corner over there'
This is frustrating. But being frustrated and insulted doesn't mean I am not paying attention and seeking to learn. I am learning very interesting things about point of care testing, about getting specialist care access to people far away from specialists but in areas that are sparsely populated so that you can't pay a specialist full time to be there.
Emergency care is also something that's very complicated when you are located far away from a tertiary care centre.
It's all extremely interesting and I am taking notes, taking pictures and taking brochures for when I will work to implement similar (but obviously different) practices in rural Zambia.
Sunday 17 November 2013
Thursday 3 October 2013
Reading 1st Samuel
Something really interesting occurred to me as I was reading 1st Samuel
1 Sam 3: 7 says that 'Samuel did not yet KNOW the Lord: the word of the Lord had not yet been revealed to him'
BUT
BEFORE THAT
in 1 Sam 3:1 it says that 'the boy Samuel ministered before the Lord under Eli'
and we know that his mother brought him to the temple as soon as he was weaned, and therefore even though Samuel grew up in the church, and ministered and helped the priest he still did not KNOW the Lord!!
IT was just a amazing reminder that when you hear people talk about growing up in the church or EVEN helping and ministering in the church it means nothing as proof of their faith.
One can do all of those things and still not KNOW God.
1 Sam 3: 7 says that 'Samuel did not yet KNOW the Lord: the word of the Lord had not yet been revealed to him'
BUT
BEFORE THAT
in 1 Sam 3:1 it says that 'the boy Samuel ministered before the Lord under Eli'
and we know that his mother brought him to the temple as soon as he was weaned, and therefore even though Samuel grew up in the church, and ministered and helped the priest he still did not KNOW the Lord!!
IT was just a amazing reminder that when you hear people talk about growing up in the church or EVEN helping and ministering in the church it means nothing as proof of their faith.
One can do all of those things and still not KNOW God.
Friday 23 August 2013
UPDATE: Labia minora elongation
I argued that although there may not be any physical benefits to the process, there are cultural and personal benefits to a girl being in such an environment. Where older girls are sharing and demonstrating things.
I argued that this is something absent from western culture.
Check this out.
Turns out sometimes I'm not making stuff up!
Someone tried to publish pictures of female genitals and there is some politics around the legality of it all and the fact that it was censored. BUT the interesting thing is the comments, and the fact that invariabliy there are people talking about never having seen another womans genitals and comparing to themselves, and realising the wide range of 'normal.'
told ya so!
I argued that this is something absent from western culture.
Check this out.
Turns out sometimes I'm not making stuff up!
Someone tried to publish pictures of female genitals and there is some politics around the legality of it all and the fact that it was censored. BUT the interesting thing is the comments, and the fact that invariabliy there are people talking about never having seen another womans genitals and comparing to themselves, and realising the wide range of 'normal.'
told ya so!
Correlation between the Biblical Israelites and Africans?
I was reading Genesis and Joseph was sold to an Egyptian, he ends up second to Pharoah in charge of all the resources in the land.
His brothers come to buy some food only to discover their brother is alive.
In this happy time, Joseph relocates his entire family to Egypt and away from the land that God promised Abraham and his decendants.
I noticed the fact that the Israelites moved to Egypt willingly, they abandoned their promised land willingly because Egypt was better. There was grain in Egypt and at the time the pharaoh loved Joseph and extended that love to his family.
Additionally I noticed that while they were in Egypt the Canaanites grew, people took that land, the promised land didn't sit empty waiting for them but others took it, and did with it what they thought was best.
And finally when Egypt was no longer hospitable they found their long way back (the long hard way back)
And that just made me think about the fact that Africans in the last few generations left Africa willing. Left their rich land for the 'west' because they were convinced that their children can only be educated in these other countries, that there was no hope of making a living in Africa, and that they would die early living in Africa. And I am wondering where we are in our story.
I would like to believe that we are looking back at our promised land and realising how pretty darn awesome it is and hopefully choosing to go back before it gets too inhospitable here and before the charities, NGOs and foreign investors take over and we no longer have a place to go back to
His brothers come to buy some food only to discover their brother is alive.
In this happy time, Joseph relocates his entire family to Egypt and away from the land that God promised Abraham and his decendants.
I noticed the fact that the Israelites moved to Egypt willingly, they abandoned their promised land willingly because Egypt was better. There was grain in Egypt and at the time the pharaoh loved Joseph and extended that love to his family.
Additionally I noticed that while they were in Egypt the Canaanites grew, people took that land, the promised land didn't sit empty waiting for them but others took it, and did with it what they thought was best.
And finally when Egypt was no longer hospitable they found their long way back (the long hard way back)
And that just made me think about the fact that Africans in the last few generations left Africa willing. Left their rich land for the 'west' because they were convinced that their children can only be educated in these other countries, that there was no hope of making a living in Africa, and that they would die early living in Africa. And I am wondering where we are in our story.
I would like to believe that we are looking back at our promised land and realising how pretty darn awesome it is and hopefully choosing to go back before it gets too inhospitable here and before the charities, NGOs and foreign investors take over and we no longer have a place to go back to
Monday 22 July 2013
I hate the Royal Baby
I love babies and I have nothing personally against that little thing, but I hate the role it has taken on my T.V.
1. IT IS NOT NEWS
- The birth of a baby, a normal birth, after a normal pregnancy, in normal circumstances, to parents that got married, decided to get pregnant, and have enough money to provide for that child. IS NOT NEWS. Amazing baby stories include babies born after natural disasters, in unexpected circumstances that serve as a symbol of hope, so something like that.
2. I have a real and true hatred of the English Monarchy and EVERYTHING THEY REPRESENT
I have no good feelings about the queen, or anything she represents. The English monarchy decided it knew what's best for the world and in fact decided that everything the world had was best utilized for their own growth and took steps to take of the entire world and 'share' their values and their ideals with the world, while communicating that those 'others' the natives, were not good enough to reach the standards of English civilization. I hate that English breakfast tea GROWN IN INDIA is called ENGLISH BREAKFAST, I hate the idea of commonwealth countries, I hate the idea of an English breakfast itself. I HATE THEM, so much because their concepts of what is right and how life should be has damaged so many cultures world wide. So many cultures were destroyed and are still struggling to rebuild their sense of self-worth as separate from and just as valuable as the English.
I hate them, and if I could travel back in time I would blow up that dweeby little island, because for all their obnoxious posturing, THEY ARE A TINY ISLAND!!!!!!!!!!
And the reason I hate the royal baby is he has taken over my T.V. and I am constantly reminded of my hatred for him, his family and everything they represent.
I am surprised that more of them have not been shot down, I kind of wish someone would make an attempt on their lives, not so they die, but in hopes that then they would go into hiding, and we don't have to constantly have their ill-gotten wealth rubbed in our faces. Yes their wealth is built upon the backs of their colonies...remember those places that belonged to other people and were worked by the enslaved locals.
Yeah, those places.
I hate them, and I wish they would get off my T.V.
Here is someone else who agrees with me. For different reasons, but I feel that the scourge of the English Monarchy has been so far reaching there should be more of this conversation, and a whole lot less of this Royal baby fever. It makes no sense, that all of a sudden everyone loves the baby, and loves that this baby no matter how bratty, obnoxious, stupid, or ill-equipped they may be for the job they may be King of England one day. I thought we were a culture that valued merit and giving people things they had worked for and deserve. Ignoring the history of the English Monarchy I don't understand why it continues to exist in the present. I don't understand why we give them that authority and that role, I just can not fathom why they are on my T.V on every channel, it suggests everyone who is deciding what to put on T.V. things everyone cares. And I cannot fathom WHY people care.
This has been a therapeutic process (please understand that I am an angry but non-violent person), I will now watch DVDs for at least the next week, for I might be driven to murder if I see another commercial showing me their life story and the possible future that awaits the heir to the throne.
1. IT IS NOT NEWS
- The birth of a baby, a normal birth, after a normal pregnancy, in normal circumstances, to parents that got married, decided to get pregnant, and have enough money to provide for that child. IS NOT NEWS. Amazing baby stories include babies born after natural disasters, in unexpected circumstances that serve as a symbol of hope, so something like that.
2. I have a real and true hatred of the English Monarchy and EVERYTHING THEY REPRESENT
I have no good feelings about the queen, or anything she represents. The English monarchy decided it knew what's best for the world and in fact decided that everything the world had was best utilized for their own growth and took steps to take of the entire world and 'share' their values and their ideals with the world, while communicating that those 'others' the natives, were not good enough to reach the standards of English civilization. I hate that English breakfast tea GROWN IN INDIA is called ENGLISH BREAKFAST, I hate the idea of commonwealth countries, I hate the idea of an English breakfast itself. I HATE THEM, so much because their concepts of what is right and how life should be has damaged so many cultures world wide. So many cultures were destroyed and are still struggling to rebuild their sense of self-worth as separate from and just as valuable as the English.
I hate them, and if I could travel back in time I would blow up that dweeby little island, because for all their obnoxious posturing, THEY ARE A TINY ISLAND!!!!!!!!!!
And the reason I hate the royal baby is he has taken over my T.V. and I am constantly reminded of my hatred for him, his family and everything they represent.
I am surprised that more of them have not been shot down, I kind of wish someone would make an attempt on their lives, not so they die, but in hopes that then they would go into hiding, and we don't have to constantly have their ill-gotten wealth rubbed in our faces. Yes their wealth is built upon the backs of their colonies...remember those places that belonged to other people and were worked by the enslaved locals.
Yeah, those places.
I hate them, and I wish they would get off my T.V.
Here is someone else who agrees with me. For different reasons, but I feel that the scourge of the English Monarchy has been so far reaching there should be more of this conversation, and a whole lot less of this Royal baby fever. It makes no sense, that all of a sudden everyone loves the baby, and loves that this baby no matter how bratty, obnoxious, stupid, or ill-equipped they may be for the job they may be King of England one day. I thought we were a culture that valued merit and giving people things they had worked for and deserve. Ignoring the history of the English Monarchy I don't understand why it continues to exist in the present. I don't understand why we give them that authority and that role, I just can not fathom why they are on my T.V on every channel, it suggests everyone who is deciding what to put on T.V. things everyone cares. And I cannot fathom WHY people care.
This has been a therapeutic process (please understand that I am an angry but non-violent person), I will now watch DVDs for at least the next week, for I might be driven to murder if I see another commercial showing me their life story and the possible future that awaits the heir to the throne.
Monday 1 July 2013
Manufacturing
Just a side note if you were considering a career for yourself.
Please go into manufacturing.
I have decided with all I plan to do I will do my utmost best to purchase things produced as close to Zambia as possible.
So I strongly encourage manufacturing in Zambia.
But then I zoom out and realise that the country is rather small and cannot manufacture everything, and so I must encourage those in surrounding countries to consider manufacturing as well.
I imagine (I imagine a lot you would have realised by now) building a hospital and supplying the entire hospital by regional manufacturers, all within Africa, and in this way we build each other.
An economical and practical manifestation of the African Union.
I imagine we don't really need foreign (as in overseas) investment if we are willing to invest in each other.
I believe Africa is so wealthy and if we focus in, on our own raw materials and we choose to do something with them we can provide for our own needs (EVEN WANTS).
I feel like I've probably already mentioned this, but I cannot for the life of me justify why we get so much stuff from overseas considering the amount of raw materials and human capital we have. I get so excited and ever so slightly agitated at imagining what Africa will be like in 20 years.
I promise you it will be different and I have the privilege of being a part of this new generation. The conversation in young Africans is so different and I think a new era is arising.
It's exciting!
So I encourage others to think big so that you may be a part of this new Africa as well.
Dare to imagine a better Africa lead by better Africans (better only because we finally realise our true potential, we have always been amazing and capable of so much more but we never seemed to know it).
Please go into manufacturing.
I have decided with all I plan to do I will do my utmost best to purchase things produced as close to Zambia as possible.
So I strongly encourage manufacturing in Zambia.
But then I zoom out and realise that the country is rather small and cannot manufacture everything, and so I must encourage those in surrounding countries to consider manufacturing as well.
I imagine (I imagine a lot you would have realised by now) building a hospital and supplying the entire hospital by regional manufacturers, all within Africa, and in this way we build each other.
An economical and practical manifestation of the African Union.
I imagine we don't really need foreign (as in overseas) investment if we are willing to invest in each other.
I believe Africa is so wealthy and if we focus in, on our own raw materials and we choose to do something with them we can provide for our own needs (EVEN WANTS).
I feel like I've probably already mentioned this, but I cannot for the life of me justify why we get so much stuff from overseas considering the amount of raw materials and human capital we have. I get so excited and ever so slightly agitated at imagining what Africa will be like in 20 years.
I promise you it will be different and I have the privilege of being a part of this new generation. The conversation in young Africans is so different and I think a new era is arising.
It's exciting!
So I encourage others to think big so that you may be a part of this new Africa as well.
Dare to imagine a better Africa lead by better Africans (better only because we finally realise our true potential, we have always been amazing and capable of so much more but we never seemed to know it).
Saturday 29 June 2013
Love Games
I just watched the entire Love Games series in one day.
Interesting
1. I enjoy watching Zambian things just for the joy of watching Zambians and hearing Zambian languages and seeing Zambia. So there is a part of me that was going to enjoy it no matter the topic.
2. As a Christian nation it was a bit sad to see how incredibly non Christian the characters were. There are two possible reasons for this (I hypothesis)
5. As far as the safe sex message. It was a great message but the power of a public service announcement depends on how well it communicates to it's target population, I can't answer that because I am most definitely not the target population. However I appreciated the different scenarios, and relationship models, absolutely hated the fact that majority were unfaithful it was a horrible way to see Zambians (but that's a personal thing). Got so angry at the men who were cheating but expecting their many partners to be faithful to them. Got extremely angry at the concept of 'chipikisha' club, especially being perpetuated to young people. But my anger and my desire to discuss doesn't do anything, because I am not the target population. Non of my actions and decisions have been changed.
I was interested in finding other's opinions about this show and stumbled across this article about an actor who is also a pastor and discussing his role in this show. Interestingly the pastor also pointed out how the character he depicted was only slightly sinful while he rejected the offer to play a more sinful character.
This is the only reference I found to love games online, rather than links to episodes. I am dissapponted about the lack of conversation ABOUT the show online, because I would have hoped it would have elicicted discussions, but again hopefully discussions are being had in Zambia.
Plus I do not have presence on facebook or twitter, so there might be discussions there. Because the point of a show like that is to open dialogue over topics that many do not discuss.
Overall
- interesting show but I dearly dearly hope it is not indicative of a new Zambian mentality.
Interesting
1. I enjoy watching Zambian things just for the joy of watching Zambians and hearing Zambian languages and seeing Zambia. So there is a part of me that was going to enjoy it no matter the topic.
2. As a Christian nation it was a bit sad to see how incredibly non Christian the characters were. There are two possible reasons for this (I hypothesis)
- The funding: There was a huge amount of foreign funding and the it is possible that the funders ensured that what was created was more similar to the cultures where they come from.
- The purpose: As a public service announcement, it had to depict the at risk groups, therefore this may have just been a part of demonstrating the message in the most effective way.
- The perpetuale presence of alcohol and the association of wine with wealth, and the constant, constant drinking. This makes me so angry here and it enraged me being depicted in Zambian T.V. And the problem with that portrayal is that those who watch it but can't afford constant wine then decide that wine is a symbol of wealth and will aim for daily wine consumption. The health and social consequences of alcohol are so extreme and counteract the safe sex message. Because so many people know what they should do and are committed to it but fail to do so when inebriated.
5. As far as the safe sex message. It was a great message but the power of a public service announcement depends on how well it communicates to it's target population, I can't answer that because I am most definitely not the target population. However I appreciated the different scenarios, and relationship models, absolutely hated the fact that majority were unfaithful it was a horrible way to see Zambians (but that's a personal thing). Got so angry at the men who were cheating but expecting their many partners to be faithful to them. Got extremely angry at the concept of 'chipikisha' club, especially being perpetuated to young people. But my anger and my desire to discuss doesn't do anything, because I am not the target population. Non of my actions and decisions have been changed.
I was interested in finding other's opinions about this show and stumbled across this article about an actor who is also a pastor and discussing his role in this show. Interestingly the pastor also pointed out how the character he depicted was only slightly sinful while he rejected the offer to play a more sinful character.
- I think this is a very wrong and non biblical concept. There is no concept of slightly sinful and very sinful. God clearly says that all have fallen short of the glory of God. And therefore it doesn't matter the level of 'sinfulness' We are all imperfect and unworthy of his grace but because of who God is he has given us his son and paid the price. This concept of level of sinfulness I feel is extremely bad. and extremely unbiblical, because it leads people to think falsely good about themselves. So it leads people to look around them and see 'more sinful' people decide that their sin isn't so bad, rather than comparing themselves to God's word, rather than others.
- HOWEVER, I don't actually think the role a person plays on tv matters for actors. The question is about the purpose of the message they are a part of. For example they are many Christian movies out there and every movie has to have a bad guy and so being a bad guy in a movie OBVIOUSLY doesn't make you a bad guy in real life, it's all about the message that people walk away with. And I feel the basic message of love games was a life saving and educational one therefore we can't really hate someone for participating.
- HOWEVER, I wonder about the pastor with a dual role in his life. I know I can never be a pastors wife (definitely not heading down the pastor role myself) because I feel it is such a full-on, 100 percent job to guide people and be responsible for their eternal souls I don't think I can handle that. The need to constantly be in prayer, to heed God's word all the time, and to counsel and comfort those in your flock, I think is an amazing job but one that needs constant closeness with God. (in fact say a prayer for your pastor right now, because they need it). And based on my view of pastoral care and the role of pastors in the church, I don't know how I feel about him having this other job. Not just because he has another job, but because it is one that requires you to have an agent, a manager, to go to auditions, to not be regularly available for your church. He might have recording at whatever time is necessary he might be away for large chunks at a time, and it just doesn't seem conducive to guiding a flock. But in the article he says it depends on the person doing that dual role.
This is the only reference I found to love games online, rather than links to episodes. I am dissapponted about the lack of conversation ABOUT the show online, because I would have hoped it would have elicicted discussions, but again hopefully discussions are being had in Zambia.
Plus I do not have presence on facebook or twitter, so there might be discussions there. Because the point of a show like that is to open dialogue over topics that many do not discuss.
Overall
- interesting show but I dearly dearly hope it is not indicative of a new Zambian mentality.
Friday 28 June 2013
Waiting
I decided to wait because I believe God's word advises people to wait.
However at the time I decided to wait I wasn't really living according to God's will so I think at the time I decided to wait because it is safer.
There is a 100 percent STI protection
100 percent pregnancy protection.
And increased emotional protection. I had friends in high school who were sexually active and I found that at the end of relationships they tended to be more distraught, more depressed, and it took them significantly longer to get over it. This is because sex has a function, and at orgasm there are hormones released that are meant to keep people together long enough to raise a child. And these hormones mean that you are more inclined to want to stay with someone after you have had sex and more inclined to be hurt and damaged if you don't stay together (yes people have casual sex, that was never gonna be me, and I honestly don't know the emotional consequences of casual sex and therefore cannot comment on it).
Additionally, even though there are some great methods of contraception, they do sometimes fail, and abortion was never an option for me. And I think the reality of a baby, even putting them for adoption is just something that I don't want to expose myself to before the time is right.
I've recently thought about the benefit of abstinence because I have had a few people ask me about the silver ring I wear on my ring finger and also realised some other related issues.
The role of women in abstinence
- There are many cultures that communicate a benefit to female purity but don't seem to extend that same desire for male purity. And there are conversations that say this is another form of a male population seeking to subvert the female population. I think this has to do with the fact that consequences are greater for women. I think it s a woman who has a baby, and as the 'receptive' partner she has increased risk of acquiring an STI, and her education, her future is more likely to be disturbed by pregnancy, even if it is terminated.
Additionally a woman has one egg a cycle and has the responsibility to find the best mate to fertilise her eggs, while men have virtually unlimited fertilising capabilities and are therefore wired differently in their view of sex. I feel like the woman has a duty to say no because she is better capable of saying no than the man is. Although that does not mean men are not responsible for their actions. In fact this thinking is probably part of why men think they CAN cheat, because they think they are not responsible for their actions. Look we are ALL responsible for our actions. But instead of saying purity in women is no longer a good thing we should extend that to purity in all genders is a good and desirable feature.
The effect on future relationships.
I believe that marriage represents a partnership for life. And it is unique and should be between two people. I believe it is not easy and there are many hurdles that two people must negotiate, compromise, and work through. ANd I think abstinence before marriage helps a marriage. Because it clearly draws a line between the one who you have committed to for life and the others. Additionally I don't plan to ever live with a male before marriage, because I think living together and having sex is something between a married couple, it's something that signifies a shared life. (Although I have stayed in hostels with males, but this was not by choice, and we were not sharing life, we were just sharing random circumstances).
Personally I think I will also be more comfortable with someone who has waited, because we will discover our sexuality together and there will be no comparison. There will be no talk of 'sexual compatibility,' There will be no try before you buy. It will be a case of loving someone enough to commit to them for life and taking whatever comes with grace :D
Where is the line
- On the spectrum of no touching to vaginal penetration by a penis, there are many stops. And everyone draws their line in a different place. And to be honest my line has moved over the years depending on my motivation. At some point I just didn't want to get pregnant (therefore my line was way more to the right).
Now my motivation is my commttment to my future marriage and the desire to honor and respect my husband in the same way I would like him to currently be keeping himself for me. And therefore my line has moved to the left.
Hymen surgery, hymen certificates, and bloody sheets?
I have no comments on these because these come from a very different motivation.
I believe purity is important. But in Christianity we have a forgiving God and I believe purity starting from now is amazing. So the past has no weighting once someone has repented and turned around, so even if someone was a prostitute and no longer has a hymen but at some point they have repented and decided to wait for their partner from that moment on. They don't deserve the embarrassment of having to prove their virginity, I think that is kind of a horrible process.
AND extremely unscientific considering the fact that many people don't bleed even at first intercourse, so it's not a reliable test.
Additionally, there is no justification for the test if there isn't a male equivalent!
Zambia and virginity
- I don't know, I can't comment on it. I honestly don't know. I have come to terms with the fact that I come from a weird family and everything my family taught me is not representative of the Zambian mentality.
But Zambia is a Christian nation so one would hope that the Christian ideals on this topic are what is passed on to others.
In conclusion
I am waiting for my husband for sex, and he better be waiting for me. if he is not then I will need God to personally tell me to marry him. Because I feel I will have anxieties about being with someone who has been with others. It will not be a mutual discovery and only be the direct word of God will that be happening.
However at the time I decided to wait I wasn't really living according to God's will so I think at the time I decided to wait because it is safer.
There is a 100 percent STI protection
100 percent pregnancy protection.
And increased emotional protection. I had friends in high school who were sexually active and I found that at the end of relationships they tended to be more distraught, more depressed, and it took them significantly longer to get over it. This is because sex has a function, and at orgasm there are hormones released that are meant to keep people together long enough to raise a child. And these hormones mean that you are more inclined to want to stay with someone after you have had sex and more inclined to be hurt and damaged if you don't stay together (yes people have casual sex, that was never gonna be me, and I honestly don't know the emotional consequences of casual sex and therefore cannot comment on it).
Additionally, even though there are some great methods of contraception, they do sometimes fail, and abortion was never an option for me. And I think the reality of a baby, even putting them for adoption is just something that I don't want to expose myself to before the time is right.
I've recently thought about the benefit of abstinence because I have had a few people ask me about the silver ring I wear on my ring finger and also realised some other related issues.
The role of women in abstinence
- There are many cultures that communicate a benefit to female purity but don't seem to extend that same desire for male purity. And there are conversations that say this is another form of a male population seeking to subvert the female population. I think this has to do with the fact that consequences are greater for women. I think it s a woman who has a baby, and as the 'receptive' partner she has increased risk of acquiring an STI, and her education, her future is more likely to be disturbed by pregnancy, even if it is terminated.
Additionally a woman has one egg a cycle and has the responsibility to find the best mate to fertilise her eggs, while men have virtually unlimited fertilising capabilities and are therefore wired differently in their view of sex. I feel like the woman has a duty to say no because she is better capable of saying no than the man is. Although that does not mean men are not responsible for their actions. In fact this thinking is probably part of why men think they CAN cheat, because they think they are not responsible for their actions. Look we are ALL responsible for our actions. But instead of saying purity in women is no longer a good thing we should extend that to purity in all genders is a good and desirable feature.
The effect on future relationships.
I believe that marriage represents a partnership for life. And it is unique and should be between two people. I believe it is not easy and there are many hurdles that two people must negotiate, compromise, and work through. ANd I think abstinence before marriage helps a marriage. Because it clearly draws a line between the one who you have committed to for life and the others. Additionally I don't plan to ever live with a male before marriage, because I think living together and having sex is something between a married couple, it's something that signifies a shared life. (Although I have stayed in hostels with males, but this was not by choice, and we were not sharing life, we were just sharing random circumstances).
Personally I think I will also be more comfortable with someone who has waited, because we will discover our sexuality together and there will be no comparison. There will be no talk of 'sexual compatibility,' There will be no try before you buy. It will be a case of loving someone enough to commit to them for life and taking whatever comes with grace :D
Where is the line
- On the spectrum of no touching to vaginal penetration by a penis, there are many stops. And everyone draws their line in a different place. And to be honest my line has moved over the years depending on my motivation. At some point I just didn't want to get pregnant (therefore my line was way more to the right).
Now my motivation is my commttment to my future marriage and the desire to honor and respect my husband in the same way I would like him to currently be keeping himself for me. And therefore my line has moved to the left.
Hymen surgery, hymen certificates, and bloody sheets?
I have no comments on these because these come from a very different motivation.
I believe purity is important. But in Christianity we have a forgiving God and I believe purity starting from now is amazing. So the past has no weighting once someone has repented and turned around, so even if someone was a prostitute and no longer has a hymen but at some point they have repented and decided to wait for their partner from that moment on. They don't deserve the embarrassment of having to prove their virginity, I think that is kind of a horrible process.
AND extremely unscientific considering the fact that many people don't bleed even at first intercourse, so it's not a reliable test.
Additionally, there is no justification for the test if there isn't a male equivalent!
Zambia and virginity
- I don't know, I can't comment on it. I honestly don't know. I have come to terms with the fact that I come from a weird family and everything my family taught me is not representative of the Zambian mentality.
But Zambia is a Christian nation so one would hope that the Christian ideals on this topic are what is passed on to others.
In conclusion
I am waiting for my husband for sex, and he better be waiting for me. if he is not then I will need God to personally tell me to marry him. Because I feel I will have anxieties about being with someone who has been with others. It will not be a mutual discovery and only be the direct word of God will that be happening.
Thursday 27 June 2013
Labia Minora Elongation
I heard of this when I was young.
One woman in my family asked another woman in my family why they did it. Because someone had asked her and she couldnt answer. And of course my mother asked me to look it up ( I couldn't becuase at the time I hadn't studied enough sexual health to know the anatomical terms), and when I tried googling general terms I got quite inappropriate results.
I have now studied enough sexual health to be able to call it 'labia minora elongation' and therefore be better able to google it and get relevant (although still slightly disturbing) results.
Upon successful google, "Oh Em Gee there is so much stuff". And not all of it African. Which I found really surprising.
Crazy.
I point you to this blog entry as my starting point, to introduce the main ideas I am commenting on.
A couple of things I would like to say
1. I don't think it counts as mutilation if it is voluntary. And in my understanding of how it is practiced in Zambia (might be differnet in other families and in other countries) it is voluntary. You are told to do it and your age mates do it, and you do it. Which is why adult women in my family were asking themselves the purpose to this, becuase the purpose wasn't clearly communicated to them. They weren't told they had to do it to marry well, or to live well, they were just informed to do it. It appeared to be more of a social practice, kind of done as a part of things young girls did together.
My thoughts on this are, upon reflection I have never seen a white vagina. I have seen many black vaginas. In a non sexual non judgemenetal way. Although we don't really talk abotu sexuality with adults I thought the openness with the older young women was quite amazing (in retrospect), They showed us what they thought was important.
2. I think this relationship with older young ladies should be encouraged and used to spread other messages as well. If this conversation could include conversations about STI's, about contraception. It would be amazing and not replicated anywhere else in the world. Where young ladies are shown how to use devices not on dummies but on physical individuals. it's interesting becuase (again in retrospect) there is a really wierd dichotomy between certain things being incredibly inappropriate and never discussed and openness with the body that I have never seen in western culture (again in a non sexual way). I keep repeating the non-sexuality of the situation, because I do feel that western culture is much more sexualised and openness with one's body is often more sexual, and this kind of tradition and openness is definitely unique to this kind of situation.
3. Issues about infection and coersian I cannot speak on, because when I was young I only did what everyone else was doing, I wasn't pressured into it, and I didn't if I didn't want to. And I had no sense of it's effect on my future (although I vaguely remember the threat of being punished if it wasn't long enough...vague memories, can't comment). Although, I don't even remember knowing about sex at the time, so it felt really separate from sex.
4. However, my main point. I don't think we should discard all traditional practices for the sake of modernisation, I think we should modify them and make them appropriate for what we (as Africans) decide is important to us. I have no strong feelings towards Labia Minora elongation and i plan to find a husband who agrees with me, but I do have strong feelings towards the relationships and the openness in conversation that was apparent at that time and therefore I would hope to build upon them rather than destroy them entirely.
I feel that western women have extermely peculiar relationships with their bodies and I don't think that's a thing we should adopt, at all. I acknowledge there are spectrums in all populations but just having seen someone else's vagina in a non sexual way tells me something about myself. I don't sit at home thinking my body is weird, and if I didn't like it I am given a method to make it more appealing, if that's an option I wanted to take.
BUT again, focus on the potential these gatherings of young ladies can have towards sexual health education and dessemination of information. just imagine.
One woman in my family asked another woman in my family why they did it. Because someone had asked her and she couldnt answer. And of course my mother asked me to look it up ( I couldn't becuase at the time I hadn't studied enough sexual health to know the anatomical terms), and when I tried googling general terms I got quite inappropriate results.
I have now studied enough sexual health to be able to call it 'labia minora elongation' and therefore be better able to google it and get relevant (although still slightly disturbing) results.
Upon successful google, "Oh Em Gee there is so much stuff". And not all of it African. Which I found really surprising.
Crazy.
I point you to this blog entry as my starting point, to introduce the main ideas I am commenting on.
A couple of things I would like to say
1. I don't think it counts as mutilation if it is voluntary. And in my understanding of how it is practiced in Zambia (might be differnet in other families and in other countries) it is voluntary. You are told to do it and your age mates do it, and you do it. Which is why adult women in my family were asking themselves the purpose to this, becuase the purpose wasn't clearly communicated to them. They weren't told they had to do it to marry well, or to live well, they were just informed to do it. It appeared to be more of a social practice, kind of done as a part of things young girls did together.
My thoughts on this are, upon reflection I have never seen a white vagina. I have seen many black vaginas. In a non sexual non judgemenetal way. Although we don't really talk abotu sexuality with adults I thought the openness with the older young women was quite amazing (in retrospect), They showed us what they thought was important.
2. I think this relationship with older young ladies should be encouraged and used to spread other messages as well. If this conversation could include conversations about STI's, about contraception. It would be amazing and not replicated anywhere else in the world. Where young ladies are shown how to use devices not on dummies but on physical individuals. it's interesting becuase (again in retrospect) there is a really wierd dichotomy between certain things being incredibly inappropriate and never discussed and openness with the body that I have never seen in western culture (again in a non sexual way). I keep repeating the non-sexuality of the situation, because I do feel that western culture is much more sexualised and openness with one's body is often more sexual, and this kind of tradition and openness is definitely unique to this kind of situation.
3. Issues about infection and coersian I cannot speak on, because when I was young I only did what everyone else was doing, I wasn't pressured into it, and I didn't if I didn't want to. And I had no sense of it's effect on my future (although I vaguely remember the threat of being punished if it wasn't long enough...vague memories, can't comment). Although, I don't even remember knowing about sex at the time, so it felt really separate from sex.
4. However, my main point. I don't think we should discard all traditional practices for the sake of modernisation, I think we should modify them and make them appropriate for what we (as Africans) decide is important to us. I have no strong feelings towards Labia Minora elongation and i plan to find a husband who agrees with me, but I do have strong feelings towards the relationships and the openness in conversation that was apparent at that time and therefore I would hope to build upon them rather than destroy them entirely.
I feel that western women have extermely peculiar relationships with their bodies and I don't think that's a thing we should adopt, at all. I acknowledge there are spectrums in all populations but just having seen someone else's vagina in a non sexual way tells me something about myself. I don't sit at home thinking my body is weird, and if I didn't like it I am given a method to make it more appealing, if that's an option I wanted to take.
BUT again, focus on the potential these gatherings of young ladies can have towards sexual health education and dessemination of information. just imagine.
Wednesday 26 June 2013
Library
I have already discussed my love of reading and my goal of building a library sometime in the future.
I have also recently communicated my joy at discovering that Book Depository will ship free worldwide and my utter dissappointment (and slight rage) at discovering that most of Africa isn't part of the world (according to them).
So I have been thinking, if I want to increase access to literature (especially local and regional literature) to young people in Zambia, and it is expensive and difficult to purchase or print and publish books what is the best way.
Simultenously I recently bought a smart phone associated with Google and google has access to public domain texts for free. So I started downloading books and reading and before i knew it I was developing a collection (rather cheaply) and with no shipping and storage costs.
So with these two things happening I began thinking about a digital library. Increasing digital access to books.
I thought about Ebook readers, started thinking that I would need the creation of an entirely different system.
First of all I have two visions of how this is manifested.
Keeping in mind that when I say 'device' I am picturing an ereader like device but with different capabilities.
1. Library
I imagine walking in a library and having physical books on the shelves. Walking through the aisles, browsing and noticing different book sizes and covers and pictures on the covers, with different colors and reading the back (because I feel this is a really important part of the reading experience). BUT when you find a book you like, scanning the book or barcode in someway onto your device, and therefore being given free access to that digital copy for a certain amount of time (this is not internet dependent, kind of bluetooth like). So that you still have free (but limited) access to books that are purchased by your local library but it's weight less and digital and obviously it means a local library can have 10 digital copies of a particular text for example. Additionally, book stores can function in a similar way but you pay to permanantly own a copy of that text, which you can share, again in a Bluetooth-like manner.
You can still search online and get copies that way, but the library I believe has other functions as well. I believe it can function as a community centrepoint and place to share other ideas, places for conversations with writers, reading groups, discussion groups, etc, and therefore should not be entirely digital. Additionally, I like browsing and I think colors and shapes can't catch your eye as well online.
And often the library is a quite, comfortable place for those whose homes are not so for study.
2. School
In visualising how this 'device' is integrated into school systems. I imagined the teacher has a smart board, and the students each have this device. The teacher is standing up front pointing to a map on the smart board and all the students have that map on their device but are also able to take additional notes. So in this context it's probabaly more like a laptop BUT without internet capabilities and with very controlled functionings, that is closely linked to the teacher's smartboard.
Is it possible that once a student walks into a classroom certain capabilities are instantly switched off and all the devices are synced to what the teacher is pointing out. That tests can be instantly graded (not all tests can be multiple choice, I know), but also classroom surveys to ask for example if everyone understands the concept.
I imagine the teacher being able to look at graphs and tables to talk to a student about their strengths and weakness and possibly to allow a teacher to cater to particular students strengths and weakness. Imagine if tests could be written differently for different students, to challenge some so they don't get bored, and to help others so they can reach their potential. And then in this way possibly being able to have better statistics about how a teacher, a school and a region is doing in numeracy and literacy goals.
And then with each progression in grades limitations are lifted as students are taught to navigate the internet and sift through the information to determine reliability and validity. And upon graduation all limitations are removed. As a way to also incorporate training children for the digital world in which they will have to navigate.
Additionally, I can see myself starting a project to digitize African literature. For example in googling "ereaders in schools" I found a European charity that's handing them out in Kenya, South Africa, other specific counties and they are loading them with particular texts, but that's the equivalent of walking through Africa and handing out books from your country. There is an incredible value in reading literature that is relevant to your life experience.
Additionally their program is a charity and is therefore a nonviable business model. I imagine finding a company in Africa to engineer these 'devices' and having a business relationship that benefits both schools and manufacturers. Additionally the purpose of purchasing and borrowing digital copies will potentially be profitable to writers as well. And the same way that digital music allows money to go straight to the artist with fewer middle guys. Additionally it will encourage smaller publishing projects, since one doens't have to consider the printing and distribution costs.
----
UPDATE
I don't know if I mentioned something about a desire to create an internet connection in the middle of no where independent of satellite dishes and phone companies.
That I wanted to know if money were no object and I was in the middle of a jungle how I could connect to the internet. I may have mentioned it but it may also just have been to myself (it's a fine line between inspired and insane)
But never the less, recently Google has launched their 'loon project'
And it's their degree of lateral thinking that makes me a huge fan of google.
I have also recently communicated my joy at discovering that Book Depository will ship free worldwide and my utter dissappointment (and slight rage) at discovering that most of Africa isn't part of the world (according to them).
So I have been thinking, if I want to increase access to literature (especially local and regional literature) to young people in Zambia, and it is expensive and difficult to purchase or print and publish books what is the best way.
Simultenously I recently bought a smart phone associated with Google and google has access to public domain texts for free. So I started downloading books and reading and before i knew it I was developing a collection (rather cheaply) and with no shipping and storage costs.
So with these two things happening I began thinking about a digital library. Increasing digital access to books.
I thought about Ebook readers, started thinking that I would need the creation of an entirely different system.
First of all I have two visions of how this is manifested.
Keeping in mind that when I say 'device' I am picturing an ereader like device but with different capabilities.
1. Library
I imagine walking in a library and having physical books on the shelves. Walking through the aisles, browsing and noticing different book sizes and covers and pictures on the covers, with different colors and reading the back (because I feel this is a really important part of the reading experience). BUT when you find a book you like, scanning the book or barcode in someway onto your device, and therefore being given free access to that digital copy for a certain amount of time (this is not internet dependent, kind of bluetooth like). So that you still have free (but limited) access to books that are purchased by your local library but it's weight less and digital and obviously it means a local library can have 10 digital copies of a particular text for example. Additionally, book stores can function in a similar way but you pay to permanantly own a copy of that text, which you can share, again in a Bluetooth-like manner.
You can still search online and get copies that way, but the library I believe has other functions as well. I believe it can function as a community centrepoint and place to share other ideas, places for conversations with writers, reading groups, discussion groups, etc, and therefore should not be entirely digital. Additionally, I like browsing and I think colors and shapes can't catch your eye as well online.
And often the library is a quite, comfortable place for those whose homes are not so for study.
2. School
In visualising how this 'device' is integrated into school systems. I imagined the teacher has a smart board, and the students each have this device. The teacher is standing up front pointing to a map on the smart board and all the students have that map on their device but are also able to take additional notes. So in this context it's probabaly more like a laptop BUT without internet capabilities and with very controlled functionings, that is closely linked to the teacher's smartboard.
Is it possible that once a student walks into a classroom certain capabilities are instantly switched off and all the devices are synced to what the teacher is pointing out. That tests can be instantly graded (not all tests can be multiple choice, I know), but also classroom surveys to ask for example if everyone understands the concept.
I imagine the teacher being able to look at graphs and tables to talk to a student about their strengths and weakness and possibly to allow a teacher to cater to particular students strengths and weakness. Imagine if tests could be written differently for different students, to challenge some so they don't get bored, and to help others so they can reach their potential. And then in this way possibly being able to have better statistics about how a teacher, a school and a region is doing in numeracy and literacy goals.
And then with each progression in grades limitations are lifted as students are taught to navigate the internet and sift through the information to determine reliability and validity. And upon graduation all limitations are removed. As a way to also incorporate training children for the digital world in which they will have to navigate.
Additionally, I can see myself starting a project to digitize African literature. For example in googling "ereaders in schools" I found a European charity that's handing them out in Kenya, South Africa, other specific counties and they are loading them with particular texts, but that's the equivalent of walking through Africa and handing out books from your country. There is an incredible value in reading literature that is relevant to your life experience.
Additionally their program is a charity and is therefore a nonviable business model. I imagine finding a company in Africa to engineer these 'devices' and having a business relationship that benefits both schools and manufacturers. Additionally the purpose of purchasing and borrowing digital copies will potentially be profitable to writers as well. And the same way that digital music allows money to go straight to the artist with fewer middle guys. Additionally it will encourage smaller publishing projects, since one doens't have to consider the printing and distribution costs.
----
UPDATE
I don't know if I mentioned something about a desire to create an internet connection in the middle of no where independent of satellite dishes and phone companies.
That I wanted to know if money were no object and I was in the middle of a jungle how I could connect to the internet. I may have mentioned it but it may also just have been to myself (it's a fine line between inspired and insane)
But never the less, recently Google has launched their 'loon project'
And it's their degree of lateral thinking that makes me a huge fan of google.
Monday 27 May 2013
The Power of the Written Word
"Free delivery worldwide on all our books."
This to me sounds like this particular company will deliver everywhere (except in places of conflict, and places without post offices) for free
And then I found this list on their website
"Countries we ship to with free delivery"
I assumed that meant this company still delivered worldwide but not free everywhere.
And only after emailing them to ask what the price was to ship to Zambia and I was told they 'do not ship to Zambia' did I realise there claim of free worldwide delivery is definately a lie.
So I did some math.
They deliver to 123 countries, (Including lots of tiny islands), assuming there are roughly 200 countries in the world, that means they deliver to roughly 60 percent of the world
BUT
Africa is the second largest and most populous continent and geographically significantly closer to this UK based company than the Americas and Australia.
And of the 54 countries there they ship to 5 (Benin, Comoros, Mauritius, Seychelles, South Africa)
The problem
"worldwide" actually means most of the world
And even though they ship to 60 percent of the world they ship to less than 10 percent of Africa (the neighboring continent).
Book depository you have disappointed me greatly, :(
Sunday 5 May 2013
My dream come true
It's important to begin by saying I have a lot of dreams, and on most days I feel I am living some aspect of the dreams I dreamed in the past BUT
this was worth telling.
So I am visiting a Zambian family with my mother.
And we just finished eating a wonderful meal and everyone is lying back digesting, and barely paying attention to the children running around, when the husband turns back to the table and says, ' we could build a hospital, couldn't we'
First I explode with shock because these are the kind of conversations I have grown up having in my home, I didn't know other people talk like this AND then take a deep breath and calmly ask, 'what do you mean'
But point being it then turned into a real discussion about logisitics and funding. He had a history in finance, and funding models. IT WAS AMAZING. And the best part was being reminded that there will be like minded people who share a goal but have wonderfully different skills. When the time is right, the people will present themselves.
I am excited, and I am especially excited because I know that already there are Africans working in a revolutionary way and I will merely be adding to what they are already doing when my time comes.
this was worth telling.
So I am visiting a Zambian family with my mother.
And we just finished eating a wonderful meal and everyone is lying back digesting, and barely paying attention to the children running around, when the husband turns back to the table and says, ' we could build a hospital, couldn't we'
First I explode with shock because these are the kind of conversations I have grown up having in my home, I didn't know other people talk like this AND then take a deep breath and calmly ask, 'what do you mean'
But point being it then turned into a real discussion about logisitics and funding. He had a history in finance, and funding models. IT WAS AMAZING. And the best part was being reminded that there will be like minded people who share a goal but have wonderfully different skills. When the time is right, the people will present themselves.
I am excited, and I am especially excited because I know that already there are Africans working in a revolutionary way and I will merely be adding to what they are already doing when my time comes.
Saturday 4 May 2013
I woke up angry today
It happens surprisingly often.
Where my brain continues to have hypothetical conversations and then it just never rests.
On this particular topic the reason my mind won't rest is I am so passionate about it and there is so little I can do about it that I feel so powerless and so restrained right now that my mind can't help but continue going.
I kept saying to myself, 'settle down, there is nothing you can do about it, why are these thoughts percolating so much right now'
But in retrospect this past week has had a few encounters that I just ignored and worked really hard not to get emotional about and I think finally my brain just couldn't NOT think about it anymore.
Basically I woke up with thoughts that said
"Africa is extremely wealthy
we don't know it
they know it,
so they benefit."
Europe's power rested in their colonies (us),
America's power rested in their slaves (us),
and now many of their power still rests in OUR resources, our mined, grown, farmed resources, and our SPACE, they use our land for their battles.
They are poor, they have no fertile land brimming with wealth, but they understand their position better than we understand ours.
We have power, but we don't realise it so we behave powerless.'
I am taking some deep breaths and attempting to continue studying, because that's what needs to get done right now, BUT, wait for it, the reality is it's a mentality problem, and once people begin to think properly it will change.
I am confident we will see change in my generation, and we will begin to see a reversal of the diaspora, they may not move back to live there but they will begin to claim it as their own and it will blow your mind.
Where my brain continues to have hypothetical conversations and then it just never rests.
On this particular topic the reason my mind won't rest is I am so passionate about it and there is so little I can do about it that I feel so powerless and so restrained right now that my mind can't help but continue going.
I kept saying to myself, 'settle down, there is nothing you can do about it, why are these thoughts percolating so much right now'
But in retrospect this past week has had a few encounters that I just ignored and worked really hard not to get emotional about and I think finally my brain just couldn't NOT think about it anymore.
Basically I woke up with thoughts that said
"Africa is extremely wealthy
we don't know it
they know it,
so they benefit."
Europe's power rested in their colonies (us),
America's power rested in their slaves (us),
and now many of their power still rests in OUR resources, our mined, grown, farmed resources, and our SPACE, they use our land for their battles.
They are poor, they have no fertile land brimming with wealth, but they understand their position better than we understand ours.
We have power, but we don't realise it so we behave powerless.'
I am taking some deep breaths and attempting to continue studying, because that's what needs to get done right now, BUT, wait for it, the reality is it's a mentality problem, and once people begin to think properly it will change.
I am confident we will see change in my generation, and we will begin to see a reversal of the diaspora, they may not move back to live there but they will begin to claim it as their own and it will blow your mind.
Sunday 24 March 2013
Grr, I am angry hear me roar
-
I have discovered that even when I am
disappointed, things have not worked my way. You promised you would provide a
service, a product and it has not worked. I have wasted time to get things to
work, I have wasted money calling you and I am now waiting in your store and
STILL I don’t have what I have already paid for. I still can’t be mad at you.
-
I am angry at the situation but I can’t be mad
at you, because I still imagine that it is beyond your control as an individual
-
BUT how I wish I could.
-
I wish I could grab you by the collar, lift you
a few inches off the ground, shake you a little and really get my rage out.
-
But with the part of my brain that says, “I’m
sure you’re doing the best you can’ I just can’t get myself to fully blame the person
in front of me for the situation.
-
but boy do I wish I could.
-
And curse you out with language I haven’t even
used before and possibily punch you in the face as well. But then again there
comes the logic saying, 'then you’ll call security, I’ll be on CCTV and I’ll
have an assault charge against me…'
-
oh well, i'll just go for a jog later.
Friday 15 March 2013
Priorities
So you meet someone, you like them. You think you could be friends with this person. And you hang out and your schedules start intermingling, you hang out regularly. You are happy with this friendship.
And then you discover a fundamental value or priority they have that is seriously in contradiction with your values. Which is important because if you are to spend time together sometimes you are going to spend time doing the things that have inherent value to you, BUT with this conflict it means you are going to have to continue looking for the perfect friend who challenges you, makes you laugh and lets you be yourself, even though they are different from you.
--
Just whinging about discovering some things about those I thought would be close to me in the long run.
I get that we are meant to interact with people who are different and my inner circle CAN be different but as far as the value they put in Christ and the value they put in their looks: This is non-negotiable the poeple in my inner inner innner super inner circle that I am sure by the time I die will contain 2 people (my husband and best friend) must value God above all else and must not value their looks above all else (If I have to wait for you to put on make up I'm not going to be waiting very long).
PLUS they must not value poeple's opinions.
Someone once came to visit my family home and she spent hours on makeup and then when we FINALLY left the house she would take pictures with the spirit of proving to others that she had fun, saw things, etc. Even staging pictures to portray a particular message, it was so tedious spending time with her, frustrating, and NOT fun, the pictures look fun but the experience was annoying.
So if hanging out with you gives me flashbacks to this lady you will not be in my inner inner circle and that's a bit sad.
Oh plus I don't drink and people in my inner inner inner circle don't drink either.
People in my inner circle can drink, can value their looks, can worry about what others think about them and even act upon it, but their are not going to be the ones I call at 1 o'clock in the morning when I have a mental breakdown (let's hope not), you know?
I hope that makes sense. I love people. I love God's creations, but I need a certain type of person to stand by my side to help me be the kind of person I want to be and that only happens if we are both walking in the same direction, it doesn't work if you don't value what i value.
--
I am a bit sad to think I'm still looking...but eh such is life.
And then you discover a fundamental value or priority they have that is seriously in contradiction with your values. Which is important because if you are to spend time together sometimes you are going to spend time doing the things that have inherent value to you, BUT with this conflict it means you are going to have to continue looking for the perfect friend who challenges you, makes you laugh and lets you be yourself, even though they are different from you.
--
Just whinging about discovering some things about those I thought would be close to me in the long run.
I get that we are meant to interact with people who are different and my inner circle CAN be different but as far as the value they put in Christ and the value they put in their looks: This is non-negotiable the poeple in my inner inner innner super inner circle that I am sure by the time I die will contain 2 people (my husband and best friend) must value God above all else and must not value their looks above all else (If I have to wait for you to put on make up I'm not going to be waiting very long).
PLUS they must not value poeple's opinions.
Someone once came to visit my family home and she spent hours on makeup and then when we FINALLY left the house she would take pictures with the spirit of proving to others that she had fun, saw things, etc. Even staging pictures to portray a particular message, it was so tedious spending time with her, frustrating, and NOT fun, the pictures look fun but the experience was annoying.
So if hanging out with you gives me flashbacks to this lady you will not be in my inner inner circle and that's a bit sad.
Oh plus I don't drink and people in my inner inner inner circle don't drink either.
People in my inner circle can drink, can value their looks, can worry about what others think about them and even act upon it, but their are not going to be the ones I call at 1 o'clock in the morning when I have a mental breakdown (let's hope not), you know?
I hope that makes sense. I love people. I love God's creations, but I need a certain type of person to stand by my side to help me be the kind of person I want to be and that only happens if we are both walking in the same direction, it doesn't work if you don't value what i value.
--
I am a bit sad to think I'm still looking...but eh such is life.
Sunday 17 February 2013
Epiphany
I love Grand Designs
Absolutely love Kevin McCloud.
I have been watching him for years.
And especially love those episodes about people building interestingly.
There are some that have piles of money and build expensively and there are those that build differently.
With unique materials and ridiculously unique ideals.
And I watch and drool over them
But when I think about my own house I find it difficult to truly imagine.
But I have had an epiphany.
I know why I have had so much trouble visualising a house for myself.
It's because I have been asking myself what should my kitchen, bathroom, bedroom etc. look like.
I changed the question.
I now ask.
What do I want to do in my house? How do i want to live and interact with it?
And that changed everything.
Watch this space in about ten years I will tell you about my unique but not ridiculously expensive house that allows me to just be me.
I mostly kept thinking about outside time.
When I visit my grandmother in the village, we eat outside, we hang out outside, and so my home/house will be built to maximise this outside time.
I am excited, and really feel liberated to begin to see glimpses of what my house will be.
Absolutely love Kevin McCloud.
I have been watching him for years.
And especially love those episodes about people building interestingly.
There are some that have piles of money and build expensively and there are those that build differently.
With unique materials and ridiculously unique ideals.
And I watch and drool over them
But when I think about my own house I find it difficult to truly imagine.
But I have had an epiphany.
I know why I have had so much trouble visualising a house for myself.
It's because I have been asking myself what should my kitchen, bathroom, bedroom etc. look like.
I changed the question.
I now ask.
What do I want to do in my house? How do i want to live and interact with it?
And that changed everything.
Watch this space in about ten years I will tell you about my unique but not ridiculously expensive house that allows me to just be me.
I mostly kept thinking about outside time.
When I visit my grandmother in the village, we eat outside, we hang out outside, and so my home/house will be built to maximise this outside time.
I am excited, and really feel liberated to begin to see glimpses of what my house will be.
Friday 18 January 2013
New years
I don't make new years resolution...generally. I make some general things I would like to do... I guess they may be called resolutions...I donno, anyway I am going to type and then we will argue whether these are resolutions or not.
2012
2012
- Has been AMAZING
- I can't believe i am in medical school
- I can't beleive I passed
- I can't believe I am currently a second year medical student, three more years and I will have doctor before my name (I don't think I will be particularly helpful as one, BUT my ID will say i am a doctor)
- I have moved out of my family home, I live alone ( i haven't starved due to lack of motivation to cook)
- Socially, I am feeling good, feeling rooted in a good community of friends that challenge me academically and spiritually, but allow me to feel accepted and loved
- Feeling really good about my body
- I can't beleive I have dreds. I have always known I would do it at some point, but transitioning with braids has made it so much better, I will talk about this later during my official one year blog.
- Obviously number one will be finish second year of medical school without feeling the need to shoot someone
- I really want to go to Zambia after second year (before 3rd year), going to have to plan well and save a pile of cash
- continue collecting books for my library (which will be a more tangible reality hopefully during my Zed visit)
- Two years with my dreds
- And genenerally just continue down this road. Continue growing in my relationship with God. At the end of last year i really felt God challenging me in some areas in my life and I think I will have to deal with it this year.
- I also want to try and focus on others this year. Maybe find some arena to volunteer in and share my time.
Another Crisis Averted
Im having a lot of computer crisis' because I am using my laptop a whole lot more during my holidays (my mom has no tv and I don't have any friends in this city).
Anyway, so the DVD region is set according to where you live and you get to switch it 5 times.
I accidently switched it for my final time.
Got depressed because I wouldn't be able to watch anything in the region I ACTUALLY live in.
BUT then I downloaded BlazeDVD
A region free player, I downloaded the free trial which has enabled me to play all the DVD's I have at my disposal.
I am excited to find that it runs beautifully, I had the option of downloading a DVD region killer but I thought that sounded dangerous.
I like BlazeDVD so much that even though the free trial is working perfectly well I am tempted to get the full version (it's under 30 dollars), and make it my default DVD player.
---
for the record I ended up getting the full version and I love it.
Don't know why I didn't do that all along.
Anyway, so the DVD region is set according to where you live and you get to switch it 5 times.
I accidently switched it for my final time.
Got depressed because I wouldn't be able to watch anything in the region I ACTUALLY live in.
BUT then I downloaded BlazeDVD
A region free player, I downloaded the free trial which has enabled me to play all the DVD's I have at my disposal.
I am excited to find that it runs beautifully, I had the option of downloading a DVD region killer but I thought that sounded dangerous.
I like BlazeDVD so much that even though the free trial is working perfectly well I am tempted to get the full version (it's under 30 dollars), and make it my default DVD player.
---
for the record I ended up getting the full version and I love it.
Don't know why I didn't do that all along.
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